Fun things to say when someone tells you they’re going to go to the bathroom:
- Stay safe
- That’s what they all say
- Different strokes for different folks
- I hope you have the time of your life
- But you have so much to live for
- Please explain
- think of me
"Woman?” She chuckled. “Is that meant to insult me? I would return the slap, if I took you for a man."
I WAS IN MY SHOWER WHILE SPOTIFY WAS PLAYING AND AFTER LIKE 15 SECONDS OF SILENCE I HEAR THE AD GUY SCREAMING “HELLO THERE SPOTIFY LISTENER” AND I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMEONE IN MY BATHROOM AND I NEARLY FELL OVER
me when cats
mom: amazons flying delivery drone is here with your package
me: what the fuck
I wanna see pictures of your lowest moment from 2013 go
I was in a Toy Story play.
And I loved it.
You’re an inspiration to us all
REMEMBERING ALL YOUR NEGLECTED RESPONSIBILITIES AT ONCE LIKE
the 2001 oscars are real and this happened in real life. this is something mankind should never forget.